


Positives and Negatives and Everything in Between

by onekisstotakewithme



Category: NCIS
Genre: Gen, Season/Series 13, Season/Series 13 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-07 02:34:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13424880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onekisstotakewithme/pseuds/onekisstotakewithme
Summary: Ellie’s in a worrisome condition, and Tony is her willing confidante, because if you can’t confide in your immature idiot coworker, who can you confide in? Based loosely on the plot of the M*A*S*H episode “What’s Up Doc?”, set around the beginning of season 13, Tony/Ellie friendship





	Positives and Negatives and Everything in Between

“I’d like to just revel in this moment for a second,” Tony said, holding up a camera. “Me in charge and the two of you sifting through the trash.”

“Keep laughing, Tony, and I’m filling your desk with garbage,” McGee retorted. “I’m going to have to take at least five showers before Delilah will even come _near_ me.”

“What a shame, McSmitten… maybe a little breathing room isn’t a bad thing.” He took a whiff of Tim. “Ugh. Make that a _lot_ of breathing room. What about you, Bishop? Jake out of town, or will he be fleeing from the stench too?”

“It doesn’t matter, Tony,” she replied, avoiding his gaze, so focused was she on breathing through her mouth. Spending time in a dumpster filled with garbage that had been cooking in September heat all day was enough to make even her iron stomach churn.

“Aw c’mon Bishop, a long bubble bath and you and Jake will be all set-,”

“I said _drop it_ Tony!” she said, snapping at him. Tim looked up, concerned. Ellie being irritated was unprecedented, but more and more lately, she’d been snapping at them.

He blinked, and actually looked hurt for a second. “Okay, okay. Sorry. How goes the trash sorting?”

“It’s fine.” Tim said, running interference. “And why aren’t you in here?”

“Because at the moment, I’ve got point. You don’t.”

“It would go faster if you were in here, Tony.”

“Not on your life, McStink.”

“Yeah because being a leader really means having us do the grunt work,” Ellie muttered.

“I don’t think the two of you are appreciating the sacrifice I’m making by being out here.”

“Yeah good hygiene, _that’s_ a sacrifice.”

“Do you want help, Timmy?”

“I’d love it. _We’d_ love it.”

“Well if you want help, you should probably consult your rancid colleague, who shall remain nameless,” Tony said.

“Is he referring to us, Agent Nameless?” Tim asked, grinning.

“Probably.” She didn’t even bother to play along.

Tim’s face fell. “Ellie,” he started.

“Don’t bother. Just keep sorting. The sooner we get this done, the sooner the two of you can stop hazing me like a probie!”

“I’m in this dumpster too, Bishop!” Tim protested.

“Yeah well you’ve done this longer, you should be used to it!” she retorted.

“I’m gonna go meet Ducky and Jimmy- if they haven’t gotten lost.” Tony took off, leaving an awkward silence between Ellie and Tim.

“Gibbs picked a great time to take a day off,” Tim said, snapping another picture. He’d apparently shrugged off her mood.

“Oh sure, like he doesn’t deserve a day off?” she retorted.

“Sure he does.” He stopped in his tracks for a second. “What are you doing for dinner tomorrow-?”

“Nothing.”

“Do you and Jake want to-,”

“Jake isn’t home.”

“Oh. Well, do you want to come for dinner? Delilah was going to make stuffed peppers and I know how much you love those.”

“Sure,” she replied, exhaling through her nose. And then she made the mistake of taking a deep breath. She’d already been queasy, but she exchanged a look with Tim, and he must have seen the look on her face, and she was sure she’d gone white.

“Ellie, are-,”

She vaulted out of the dumpster before he could finish his sentence.

Tony found her a few minutes later, hands against a wall, taking deep breaths. “Not like you to ride poor Tim so hard. Just because Gibbs isn’t here, doesn’t mean you need to kick Tim in the ass for him.”

“Well, if he wasn’t acting like a moron, I wouldn’t have to ride him.”

“He just made a few remarks and you practically jumped down his throat! What’s eating you, Bish?”

“Nothing!” she snapped, pulling off her cap, and fanning her face.

“C’mon,” he said, a hand on her shoulder. “Tell me. If you can’t tell your obnoxious idiot of a co-worker, who can you tell?”

She managed a chuckle, but her smile changed to a frown. “Well, about six weeks ago… when Jake was in between assignments, he and I had a night out… and well I… I think…”

“Yes?” Tony asked, giving her a reassuring smile.

“I think I might be…” She swallowed, fanning herself with her cap again, still feeling queasy from the smell of hot garbage. “Pregnant.”

“ _Pregnant_?!” Tony yelped.

“Shh!” she hissed.

“You mean expecting? With child?” She hadn’t seen him look so thrilled in ages. “Our little major nerd is going to have a minor? That’s amazing, Ellie!” He pulled her into a hug, and then pulled away immediately, glancing towards her midsection. “Sorry.”

“Aw c’mon Tony, there’s nothing _wonderful_ about it,” she said, shaking her head, and hoping she was keeping up a front of not wanting this kid.

“Are you kidding?” he replied. “All the death and terrible stuff we see every day, and somehow in the midst of the mess we call our job, there’s a spark of new life, thanks to you! That isn’t wonderful, it’s a goddamn _miracle_!” He paused. “Although I really though McNerd and his McGirlfriend would beat you to it.”

“Tony, honestly,” she said, shaking her head. “You know, and Tim knows, and the whole stupid agency knows that Jake and I are… struggling. A baby wouldn’t solve anything, it would probably just make things worse! Worst way to fix a shaky marriage is have a baby, you don’t even need to be an analyst to know that!” She was warming up for a good rant at this point.

“Ellie,” he started.

“And you know what else it means, don’t you?”

“What?” he asked.

She gave him an _you’re an idiot_ look, that he was accustomed to on the face of his female coworkers. “C’mon, the second Gibbs finds out I’m pregnant, it’s good bye to kicking down doors and hello to a desk job. I love my job, Tony, I don’t… I don’t think I’m ready to give it up.” She shook her head. “This is all Jake’s fault.”

“Well don’t be too quick to blame him, Bish, I’m pretty sure you were there too.” He swallowed, realizing he was truly out of his depth. He knew nothing about infants or pregnancy- he knew what caused pregnancy all too well, but he wasn’t the type to have a kid of his own. That much he knew. “What makes you so sure?”

“I…” she trailed off. “I’ve got all the symptoms. All of them. Morning sickness… nausea…”

“We all have that,” Tony protested. “From eating takeout every night!”

“I’ve been irritable, and don’t say you didn’t notice. And…Tony, you might want to cover your ears for this part, but that time of the month hasn’t been that time of the month yet. And that was last month.”

He shrugged, and she noticed that the tips of his ears had gone pink in embarrassment. “Maybe your watch stopped.” She sighed, and started walking away, and he grabbed her arm. “Wait, wait, Ellie. Have you… confirmed this? Like I don’t know… medically?”

“Well, no… I haven’t.”

“Well why are you guessing then? C’mon, we can go see Ducky and he can run it in Abby’s lab or something.”

“No,” she replied. “I don’t want them to know.”

“Ellie, they’re gonna know sooner or later, if you are… y’know. And if Gibbs finds out that he put you and your kid at risk, when he’s done kicking himself, his boot will be up your butt next!”

She laughed then, and then met his eyes. “All right. I’ll buy a test.” She sighed. “I’m sorry Tony, I shouldn’t bother you.”

“Aw c’mon Bish, what are friends for?”

“I thought you were an obnoxious coworker?”

“I can go both ways,” he teased, before giving her a look. “Do you want me to stay with you while you do?” Tony asked.

“Sure…”

“In the meantime, however,” Tony gestured back towards the crime scene. “We have other business to take care of. Ladies and or expectant mothers first.”

She glared at him, but still went back with her camera. Watching her for a second, he quickly followed.

He was so out of his element, and yet he had to be there for her. What did _he_ know about babies, or any of that stuff? But Bishop was his friend, regardless of how equipped he was to help her.

**XNCISX**

He opened the door and grinned at her. “You’ve been avoiding me, Bishop.”

“Sorry, I was busy last night,” she told him, not meeting his eye as she stepped into his apartment. “Wow, I always forget how nice this place is.”

“Oh sure. Change the subject.” He closed the door behind her. “What’s going on, Ellie?”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have come,” she said, turning away. “I’m probably not even- and shouldn’t Jake be with me when I find out?”

“Ellie, when is Jake coming home?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “It’s…”

“Classified,” Tony supplied. “As usual. Well, I’m here, and my bathroom is through those doors and hang a right. I’ll be waiting out here.”

“Well you don’t beat around the bush do you?” she asked.

“I have Senior for a father… cutting to the chase saves time… and possible dollars when it comes to him.” She laughed, and encouraged, he continued. “Want me in there with you?”

“Tony there has to be a line,” she teased. “I think I can pee on a stick without help.”

“All right. I’ll be waiting in the kitchen, if you need me.”

“Fine.”

“Wait, Bish.” He grabbed her arm. “Am I still the only person you’ve told?”

“Well… I’m not going to tell Gibbs until I know for sure. I mean, I’ll tell him _if_ I’m… you know.”

“I know. What about McGee?”

“Oh please, he’d get all excited, and happy…”

“Yeah I know, I just hate when he gets so enthusiastic and brotherly, right?” Tony said, raising an eyebrow.

She made a face. “Go feed your goldfish or something.”

He got the message. As she closed the door, he wandered back out into the living room, feeding the fish- he hated when she was right. He hated the feeling of helplessness, trying to keep himself busy, straightening photo frames, and then turning when he heard the door open again. “Well?” he asked.

“I have to wait two minutes,” she replied.

“All right. Well sit down… make yourself comfortable.”

She sat down on the couch, and he sat down with her. “Thanks again, Tony,” she said, looking over at him.

He shrugged. “Least I can do… Ellie.”

“I know you’re not a big fan of kids,” she said, leaning her head on his shoulder.

“Well, I’m a little scared of them, Bish. My greatest fear has always been toddlers.”

“Does that mean you don’t want kids?” she asked, looking up at him.

“Maybe someday. The timing was just never right… and the woman I thought I might have kids with someday… is halfway around the world, probably having kids with some other lucky guy. I can see myself having a kid, though… maybe a son. What about you?”

“I’ve always seen myself having kids, but with my job and Jake’s job, the… well I guess it’s like you, Tony. The timing has never been right. Though I could see myself having a little girl… eventually. Not sure if this is the right time, with all of these assignments Jake’s been getting.”

“Well, Ellie, just remember, you’ve got the whole team’s support. And three dads on it right now, and c’mon McGee’s probably going to be a dad sooner rather than later.”

She laughed. “Just so you know, Tony, I’m sure you’d make a great dad.”

“I don’t know the first thing about babies, Ellie, but trust me on this: if you need me for anything, I’m here.”

“Very noble of you,” she replied, pressing a hand to her midsection. “You didn’t exactly have the reaction I would have predicted.”

“I’m a wild card. I don’t do _predictable_.” He checked his watch. “All right, Miss Bishop, the results are in!”

She sat up, surprised. “Already?”

“Time flies when you’re having fun,” he said, winking at her. He stood up, offering her a hand. “Miss Bishop.”

She took it, and then turned pink, asking. “Can you come in there with me?”

“Are you scared, Ellie?” he asked, realizing what he was seeing written all over her face.

“A little. I mean, I can do it myself, but…”

“No.” He made up his mind. “Let’s go.”

He went into the small bathroom first, wondering if maybe in another universe, he could have had that chance, this experience, with Ziva. He picked up the test. “Oh my god.”

“What?” Ellie asked nervously from the doorway.

“I’ve never seen a pregnancy test up close before.”

“Seriously, Tony? What does it say?”

“And the winner is…” he said in his best game show host voice.

“Tony!” she protested.

He turned to her, and smiled. “Negative.”

“Negative?” she repeated, and he watched as her shoulders sagged in relief.

“Congratulations Ellie,” he told her, leaning against the bathroom counter as he passed her the test. “You’re still a special agent.”

“I guess I am,” she said, looking somewhat stunned.

“I’m glad you got what you wanted,” he told her.

“Me too,” she said with a quick nod, but he could see that it hadn’t sunk in yet.

“I’m also sorry,” he continued.

There was a pause, and then she sighed. “Me too.”

“We should get going,” he told her. “Remember, McDomestic is having us all over for dinner tonight. Now there’s someone who’ll probably have a kid soon!”

She managed a weak laugh, and they made their way out of the bathroom, and then suddenly she turned and buried her face in his chest. He heard a muffled “thank you” and just wrapped his arms around her.

After a few moments of silence, she pulled away. “We should get going.”

“Ellie?” he asked.

“Yes Tony?”

He leaned down and kissed her on the cheek. “You would’ve made a great mom,” he told her when he pulled back.

“Thank you. And someday, Tony, you’re going to be a great dad.”

He shrugged. “Well… never mind all that. And we can keep this between us, if you want?”

She nodded. “You’re a great friend, Tony.”

He smiled. “Ditto, Ellie. Now let’s go, I’m starving!”

Later, long after the conversation, Tony would discover that he was indeed a father, but that day, it was just two friends going to meet their co-worker for dinner.

**Author's Note:**

> This was mostly written because the last few weeks have been spent with M*A*S*H on for all of my waking hours I'm not in class- blame my parents for buying me the complete collection for Christmas. This is LOOSELY based on the episode "What's Up Doc" in season 6, where Margaret thinks she's pregnant and confides in Hawkeye (because I love their enemies to friends relationship). As well, this is the first of probably five or six stories based on M*A*S*H episodes.   
> Also the "rancid colleagues" is a M*A*S*H joke from the s6 ep "The Smell of Music"


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